There's a lady bug in my room

I just retired to my hotel room during a weeklong sales conference to be greeted by a ladybug. Its December in New Jersey and there was a snowstorm last night. Is it ladybug season? But in this lonely hotel room, I shall name her Spot and keep her for a pet.

As I work my way through a corporate meeting complete with 500 sales and operations people from my company, I have observed the epitome of schmoozing. I am not sure what is more taxing: watching people do it, or engaging in the act of schmooze. I have started to assemple a dictionary for any newcomers to the corporate world.

1. Wandering Eye : When the person you are talking to starts looking over your shoulder, off the side, clearly looking for the next conversation. Appropriate action: wrap it up and excuse yourself. Its better to break it off first.

2. Nuetral Intro : When a colleague introduces you to another colleague, and you aren't sure if you've met them before, avoid "nice to meet you". A nice nuetral introduction is "how are you" or "always a pleasure". It is very awkward to say "nice to meet you" and be volleyed back with "yea, we were in the same group at the last sales training". Oops.

3. The "line of sight" schmooze : Make sure your boss doesn't think you're just gossiping in the corner with your work friends, even though that's what you want to do. Make sure to ask questions of the finance people, shake hands with upper management, and exchange ideas with counterparts from elsewhere. Important: make sure your boss can see you. Then, when you practice #4 he/she won't feel that you are a less than dedicated employee.

4. Subtle Escape : If its a daytime event, conveniently leave something in your car, or take a call outside. If its a convention, make sure you know the backway to your room. It can look like you saw someone in the foyer, but you can steal away to your room and a pay per view movie. (important note: if expensing, be aware that the title of the movie will likely appear on your hotel invoice).

5. Conversation kindling : When put in a position to talk to those you haven't met, and especially those who are poor conversationalists, have a stock of questions. "How long have you been with the company?" "What part of do you live in?" Avoid questions about where they went to college (if they didn't go, it gets awkward), kids (you're asking to see a million Iphone pictures and hear stories about Frankie's soccer), and gossip (unless they are a trusted confidant).

That's all for now. I'm exhausted from rubbing elbows.