- I can move around, drive places, and I'm not sitting all day.
- I don't manage a factory.
- My job doesn't result in permanent weight gain.
- I'm not old, working in a workforce of young people and trying to understand my employees.
- I don't have to work on the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas.
- I get to live in a great bustling metropolitan area, no relocation to somewhere less desirable required.
- Although I work for Avis, I don't have to wear a red uniform as I don't work at the airport (I do not look good in red)
- People pay me for my product.
- I don't make my customers cry on a regular basis.
- I don't have to listen to them whine about what they want constantly. (oh wait... maybe this is actually part of my job)
The job I have described above is that of Santa Claus. Yes, Kris Kringle has to maintain a thick waist, wear an outdated red suit, live in the arctic, manage a factory of little old people, and work on Christmas. All to give stuff away for free to a bunch of strangers, and spend the whole month of December making little kids cry or greedy kids demand toys. His car is a convertible in the coldest month (in the northern hemisphere at least), but at least it delivers minimal greenhouse emissions since it runs on magic and reindeer power.
Then again, he brings joy to good little girls and boys. He also gets tons of press, his face is splattered across greeting cards, billboards, and the t.v. He doesn't have pressure to go to the gym (in fact its discouraged). I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bills to pay and he never has to fight traffic. I imagine there is a great sense of job security as well. And vacation time in the worst months, January and February, would be a plus. Papparazzi always catch him on the beaches.
Plus his job includes phrases such as "Christmas Spirit" and "Seasons Greetings" and "the magic of Christmas". Not: "RFP" and "conference call" and "vulnerable accounts".
Maybe that does sound okay. I wonder if he's looking for an assistant?
Merry Christmas everyone!
