As heard by our neighbors

Contrary to what I have convinced myself, wood fencing does not act as a sound barrier. I tend to forget this, as do our house guests, and I wonder what sort of conversations our neighbors have listened in on. Although we have a large wonderful yard, I can hear my neighbors talk in the few times they venture out. We are outdoor people and spend a lot of time entertaining and just hanging out. Today, if you were our neighbor you would have delighted in the following.

Tatum: I'm nudies daddy!
Kenny: You are nudies! Do you like to be nudies? Should I be nudies too?
Tatum: yay! you be nudies TOO!
Kenny: Okay here goes my swimsuit! (pause) I'm nudies too!
Tatum: we're BOTH nudies! yaaaay!
Kenny: Its fun to be nudies on a hot day!

Now before you think my husband is a total creep, let me fill you in on some blanks that the neighbors couldn't see due to the wood fence.

Tatum was in the swimming pool and had stripped off her swimsuit as young children are apt to do on a super hot day. Kenny was playing with her swimming baby doll, and assigning his voice to the doll. He had actually taken the DOLL'S swimsuit off, not his own. Upon realizing the neighbors were out enjoying the weather, he exclaimed in a louder than normal voice:

"That's right! its fun for your baby doll to be nudie too on a hot day, so she took her swimsuit off! But daddy didn't. Daddy's swimsuit is still on, because daddies don't like to be nudies. That's silly!"

Oops. Granted, still mildly creepy to some that he decided the baby doll should be nudie, but consider this. He is a 33 year old man that until the last few months has never played with baby dolls. Cut him some slack, he's a dad of two girls and its a learning process. If he played with the doll in a manner that came naturally, he would have had the doll in some sort of MMA cage match with the Yo Gabba Gabba dolls, or he would have employed her baby to mow the lawn. So he's really doing his best here.

Later, as I sat out back enjoying a nice glass of pinot grigio, talking to my sister on the phone and snuggling a sleeping baby, Tatum opened the door and when I looked at her I said:

Me: "Tatum? Where are your pants? And what's on your legs?"
Tatum(at top volume): "Mommy, there's poop EVERYWHERE! I pooped mommy! I need you to wipe"

Lovely. I went inside to investigate and sure enough she pooped on the potty! Notice I said "on". Not in the hole that is designed for the poop to fall through. On the rim. Then she attempted, in her ever-growing independence, to clean up the poop with half a roll of toilet paper. This clogged the toilet at which time she felt it prudent to loop me into the situation. Enter mommy in time to clean up the toilet, unclog it, and shower her off.

And with that I ask: is ANYONE available to babysit? I need a date night.