WANTED: Cushy Job

So I am watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. Make fun, with one kid in bed and one in the oven my social life has taken somewhat of a nosedive. Its weird, I don't get invited to do anything. Ever.

So here is what I take from this. They have so much money, Kim Kardashian can make her own fragrance. Their jobs are to be famous. Bruce Jenner is on the show and he is famous because he was a decathelete who had a lot of pretty kids (and clearly a lot of pretty plastic surgery) and does public speaking or something.

I'm a realist, I realize I'm not a Kardashian. But lets rewind to the era of cushy jobs. Now cushy jobs are like Dodo birds or VHS tapes or phones that plug into the wall. We know they existed at one time, we have a memory of them, but our kids will have no clue they ever existed. I vote we bring them back (cushy jobs, not VHS. Who wants to be kind rewind?).

I am working too hard for too little right now. I am a slave to freakin' corporate travel. If I sign a deal for hundreds of thousands of dollars I get a HUUUUUGE...

high 5. That is not rewardable by money any longer, but it'll make up for business that has eroded away due to the economy and sure that I get to keep my job and maybe get a little bonus. Last year I even got an email from an upper manager saying "great work"!

Recently we have been shopping for a preschool for Tatum. As we both work full time, she will be in full time preschool. The pricetag on fulltime preschool is a little astonishing, but I'm not worried. I showed them the email from the manager telling me "good job" for signing $200K in new business. That should pay for $10K worth of schooling right?

I'm still waiting to hear back.

So if anyone has sighted one of these so called cushy jobs, I will pay a reward. I'd like to put in roughly 30-35 hours of good, quality work. I want to be able to flex my negotiation and business muscles in that time and be challenged, but I don't want to feel the need to work nights and weekends to stay afloat. I want big money for big deals. If I'm delivering, I want payment. And I don't want those big deals to be that hard to come by. Something that people need/want/are willing to spend money on, happily. I want big orders with smiles. I want a car allowance, expense report, flexibility, no micromanaging, and of course 6 figures. If sighted, please let me know.

Thank you.

Big Mouth and Big Boo boos

Oh from the mouth of babes as they say.

Today my lovely daughter told me that I had a big mouth. This is how she explains that I ate more in the same amount of time as her. She said "mama have big mouth. East faster. Tatie has little mouth."

Similarly, when I get her dressed she says "Tatie little boo boos" . "Mama have BIIIIIIIG boo boos".

If the conversation ever gets to our butts she will not be getting new tap shoes for her birthday.

Then I wonder how much her actions reflect what I do and how I parent.

When I arrived home today from lunch with friends, Tatum was on the stairs with her babydoll. Apparently, her baby fell down, so she wrapped the baby in a blankie and put her in Time Out on the stairs. I'm not sure that falling down has historically been a punishable offense in our house but something was interpretted as such. Hmmmm.

Letter to My Gym Owners

Happy Twenty Ten Sitting at Computer people! Here is what I have been doing(in the form of a letter to my Gym):
Hi Guys,
I just wanted to drop a quick email, to Thank You for helping improve my life over the past year
and to relay an example of how Crossfit has actually saved my ass (figuratively, not literally...unfortunately)!

It happened yesterday, I went Snowboarding at Crystal Mtn. for the first time in 5 or 6 years with a group of friends (including Jason Ingersoll). I have been boarding about 5 times total in my life. I am a novice. The guys I went with was a group of skiers and a few snowboarders who have done it regularly over the past few years.

I was concerned that I would:
A) Get stuck on the mountain and have to take my board off and walk down like a defeated guy who lacks enough coordination to figure it out
B) Hurt myself and have to be sledded down by Ski Patrol in one of those sledding canoe things
or
C) Suck so bad at it, that my friends ditch me (because they were sick of waiting for me to make it down the mountain) and I would end up boarding the Bunny Slopes all day by myself.

Well, I am proud to say none of that happened and although I did injure myself, the workouts I do at Crossfit saved me from a more serious injury.

Here is what did happen:
The first run, we took a chair up the mountain and then a second chair up to the summit. I was worried about going all the way up to the top without practice run, but surprisingly, I did just fine and the balance came back to me rather quickly. Don't get me wrong, I fell pretty hard a few times, but I truly could feel the strength and flexibility I have built in my Thighs and Calves at Crossfit helping me with balance and form. My Buddies were happily surprised that I was not holding them up.

Some of the guys were getting tired after a few long runs, but I felt like I could continue til close. The guys that were tired were ready to break for lunch and we had one last run down the mountain. We somehow got stuck on an icy cat track that went on forever (switching back and forth all the way down the mountain) and was treacherous for any snowboarder, but especially me using all new equipment and doing it for the first time in half a decade. The ice was so hard that it was like a hockey rink. I got going too fast and when I tried to slow down using my toe-side edge I began to veer towards the side of a cliff, so I tried to position my feet down hill and use my heel side edge to slow down, that is when I caught my heel side edge before I got my feet positioned and went hurtling though the air backwards and landed hard on my ass. The ice packed hard like concrete. It hurt so bad that I was and am pretty sure that I broke my tailbone (as trained rescuers do you guys know what it means when you hit your tailbone so hard that your sphincter spasms and it feels like you are shooting BB's out your penis? Yeah me neither, but thats what happened). After the fall, I was able to get back up and limp down the cat track which only got steeper and icier. I fell on my Tailbone two more times and felt like crying each time, but this is where I feel lucky to have been doing crossfit. on what would be my last run of the day (though I was not planning on it being the last), I fell hard a total of 10 to 12 times. Because I was desperately trying to protect my tailbone (which happened on the first fall), I was breaking my falls with my hands and came very close to breaking my wrist (and I mean seriously close as I broke my left wrist two years ago). I absolutely credit my training at Crossfit with saving me from a broken wrist. The Hang Cleans, Push Presses and other workouts that have helped rehab my wrist with extra strength and flexibility undoubtedly prevented at the very least a bad sprain.

Today, the last day of 2009, I am standing here (not sitting) writing this email to say Thank You Kirkland Crossfit! You saved my Ass, well nevermind, you save my wrist! Maybe to work on increasing the resiliency of our tailbones we add a workout where you do 100 wallballs with a 70 pound kettlebell under you (you know to build a tailbone callous).

Love you guys,
Kenny