I'm just an Avatar wooing my flying thingy

Getting to know a new baby is a bit of an odd experience. You meet, and its like "hi, I am your parent. The plan is that we know eachother indefinitely. I will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars raising you, which you won't appreciate until sometime in your twenties, if even then. We will try not to screw you up too bad in the process".

Then a sort of one sided courtship begins. As a parent, I already love the wrinkly squirm buggy with my whole being. But she has a little "jury's still out on you" attitude that will no doubt fully manifest itself in the teen years. I drop everything for the baby. When she cries, I jump. 3am? No problem. Ruin my body for you? Worth every dimple. I would pull out a breast in aisle 8 of safeway if her adorable little tummy so desires. A baby will fart, crap, pee, and barf on you worse than the worst drunk booty call you can imagine and you'll still call the next day.

Meanwhile, this person you are getting to know will initially only want to sleep, then wake up famished and demand to suck on your boobs. Then while you do all the household chores, this person stares at you blankly before falling back asleep, or whining. This may sound disturbingly like other courtships from your past. But unlike an ex-boyfriend, a baby is trainable.

So what's with the Avatar title? At 3am, during a feeding, this analogy seemed totally sensical. My boobs are like the Avatar's braid thingy, and when I am nursing this little baby we are connected on a level unique to our relationship. We were once connected by umbilical cord and now I provide the food that sustains her. She knows my smell and my voice and its the sort of connection that forgives poop up the back, sleeplessness and stretch marks. In turn she forgives my morning breath and grumpiness. Its a very primal courtship and I feel lucky to experience it.

More later, I have to snuggle with my adorable little poo factory.

facebook posts

It has been a while since I blogged. The primary reason for this is that I was on pregnancy bed rest for nearly two months, which didn't result in a lot of interesting material. My blogs would have outlined my transition between bed and couch and back again. Plus with my enormous belly, there was no "lap" for my laptop. But now I avow to make up for a large gap.

While confined to my blackberry I have wasted an increasing amount of time checking Facebook. I have begun to wonder if everyone's lives are as sunshiney as their status updates indicate, or if their updates are purely selected to portray that. And for those people that don't regularly let us know their daily goings on, are they having a rough time and just don't want to talk about it? I have laughed to myself that if I was totally forthcoming in my status updates, I would be defriended by about 60 percent of my Facebook "friends" and letting a bit too much information come forth.

Here are examples of typical status updates:

"Coffee on the patio and then baseball game with the kids and amazing husband! What a beautiful day!"

"Out with all my BFF's for wine and apps. Great evening with Lisa, Sarah and Marie!"

"Just tried a new recipe which cured my middle age acne, allowed me to run a half marathon in 90 minutes and the food actually washed the dishes when we were done. Thanks food network!"

"Just ran 10 miles while doing bicep curls, then cleaned my house and planted some flowers. All before 9am. Going to be a productive day!!!"

So, if I were to post HONESTLY in the past couple of months, here is what you would find.

"Took a bath to relax contractions. Too big for my tub, almost couldn't get out! Ha!"

"Finished all my laundry...three days ago. Still waiting for it to fold itself".

"Pushed a baby out of my va-jay-jay this morning. Think I will order some grilled cheese now"

"Bleeding nipples. Nuff said"

"I love my husband for being so helpful! My husband is a huge jerk. Ack! Lost control of my emotions! What day is it???"

"Breast fed three times and ate one meal and read 2 books to my three year old. All before 3pm! I think I will go put my contacts in and shower, going to be a productive....ah who am I kidding this day is shot."

"Sore crotch. Ice pack down there. Love percoset"


Hey: I'm just being honest.and don't get me wrong, I love my baby and she is awesome. I have no complaints. But for now, if I'm being honest, I think I will refrain from status updates on Facebook.

More later...